Stress is the word that we use to define the response of our body to a dangerous situation. This response is essential for our survival. The body redirects energy to the areas that are necessary to have an effective ‘fight or flight’ response in case of danger. However, for the most part, in our current environment, we rarely encounter situations where our life is truly in danger. We do find ourselves in situations that trigger the same biological responses. When we experience work overload, deadlines, big life changes, or an actual life-threatening situation we are activating the same brain and hormonal responses. We do not have a different pathway for ‘a tiger is going to eat me’ or ‘I have more work that I can do’.
If stress signals are a life-saving response, why is it detrimental for you? The stress response was meant to provide with a short-term burst of energy, focus, and energy redistribution in your body. For example, processing of food is not essential when running away for danger so our digestive system gets lower blood flow and energy while we are stressed. When we trigger the same response for long-term events like dealing with job or family-related issues, the response becomes detrimental to your health. With chronic stress, those same life-saving responses in your body can suppress immune, digestive, sleep, and reproductive systems. How this suppression is manifested varies from person to person. You may be experiencing sleep, digestive, emotional or pain issues that are really related to this response. Science has shown that low levels of stress for long periods of times are even more detrimental to our health.
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, the following are some effective approaches to manage your stress:
• Recognize the Signs of your body's response to stress, such as difficulty sleeping, increased alcohol and other substance use, being easily angered, feeling depressed, and having low energy.
• Get Regular Exercise. Just 30 minutes per day of walking can help boost your mood and reduce stress.
• Set Goals and Priorities. Decide what must get done and what can wait, and learn to say no to new tasks if they are putting you into overload. Note what you have accomplished at the end of the day, not what you have been unable to do.
• Stay Connected with people who can provide emotional and other support. To reduce stress, ask for help from friends, family, and community or religious organizations.
• Try a Relaxing Activity. Explore stress coping programs, which may incorporate meditation, yoga, tai chi, or other gentle exercises. For some stress-related conditions, these approaches are used in addition to other forms of treatment. Schedule regular times for these and other healthy and relaxing activities.
Relaxation techniques often combine breathing and focused attention on pleasing thoughts and emotions. Some examples of relaxation response techniques are resilience training such as HeartMath® Resilience Advantage Program®, biofeedback tools such as Inner Balance®, deep breathing, guided imagery, progressive relaxation, and self-hypnosis. Mind and body practices, such as meditation and yoga, are also sometimes considered relaxation techniques.
If you have already considered all of these points and nothing has seemed to improve your experience of stress or you would like to learn new skills to manage your stress, schedule a consultation with us to identify other factors and possible solutions.
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My two daughters are back to school, extracurriculars, homework, and social life. The rhythm that I was so missing during the summer is back. I had a vacation and a couple of long weekends to rest and “recharge”, so why am I feeling so tired? I wake up in the mornings, help them get ready, pack their lunch, go to work, pick them up, take them to their activities, sit and watch while trying to do some work from the bleachers, bring them back, feed them dinner, and make sure homework is complete and ready. I am a great parent! I am committed to them, and they are my priority. Yet I am impatient, irritable, and become angry when I see their poor emotional regulation. She throws a temper tantrum, and sadly, I response with one of my own.
Science tells us that children see how their parents display emotions and interact with other people and through imitation learn how to regulate their emotions. We play a significant and unique role in the emotional development of our children. How they empathize and interact with others, how they self-regulate, and how they cope with adversity is all a reflection of our own interactions with them, our partners, and others in our social circle. In addition, our emotions are not just communicated verbally, but non-verbally as well. Our hearts literally beat to the rhythm of our emotions and, as an electric organ, generates a magnetic broadcast signal that others feel. So, if we are anxious and frustrated, it does not matter what words we use, we signal to the world our true emotion through this magnetic field. Others around us pick up on that signal and sometimes, especially those that are closest to us, become influenced by it. Think about that person that “lights up the room” or “sucks the air out”, that is your perception of their emotional broadcasting.
“You cannot pour from an empty cup” is such a cliché. You hear it, and maybe even say it. It wasn’t until I learned how to meaningfully recharge that I realized how empty my cup was. It was absurd to expect my children to regulate their emotions when I could not do the same. I was not assigning any time or priority to “fill my cup". I needed to learn new skills to improve my emotional regulation and health. School does not teach us how to do this. Somewhere between science and math, and orchestra and soccer, we have forgotten the importance of learning how to develop emotional resilience. We know, with the new scientific understanding of emotions, that relaxation alone is not enough for emotional balance and resilience. We need intentional activities that helps us manage our emotional energy. Here are some strategies that can help you recharge and fill your cup. Commit to them for at least two weeks to see any difference:
Learn a breath practice and use in the mornings to set the tone for the day or use between tasks. The Heartmath Institute has found that 5-10 minutes a day of practice is enough to positively impact our resilience, especially when combined with renewing emotions such as appreciation or compassion.
Find something to appreciate every day. Write a gratitude or appreciation journal before bed.
Find a tool that allows you to become more self-aware of your emotional energy leaks and commit to addressing one a week. Meditation, mindfulness and similar practices can help.
Get adequate and renewing sleep.
Engage in an activity that you enjoy such as gardening, exercising, hiking, dancing, music, or volunteering. Commit to set time in your schedule for it.
I know...you don’t have time! We cannot be the best parents for our children’s emotional development if we do not learn and practice meaningful self-care. Trust me, my healthier emotional regulation has resulted in a quieter and happier household. My children deserve the best, so I dedicate time to be the best version of myself for them.