Life offers us lessons in the most unexpected situations—but only if we are open to seeing them.
Just a few weeks ago, I spent a beautiful Saturday afternoon tackling a project I had long been dreading and avoiding— power washing my deck. A project I thought I would chip away at over the course of several weeks turned into a five-hour reflection. That reflection not only motivated me to make significant progress on the deck, but it also inspired 10 life lessons that I’d like to share with you:
Lesson #1: Avoidance does not solve problems.
I had avoided the deck power-washing project for three years, and had allowed the grime to accumulate on the deck surfaces and furniture to the point that they were not useable. How many times have we avoided problems in our lives, hoping they would magically get better on their own? Today is the day to start tackling whatever you have been avoiding.
Lesson #2: Use the right tools.
Wanting to avoid learning to use a power washer, I started my deck-cleaning project with a bucket, a brush and a bottle of bleach. While these are excellent tools for other purposes, I quickly learned that they were not going to get the job done—at least not in this lifetime. In life, we attempt to solve a problem with old or inadequate tools. Find the right combination of skills and tools so you can successfully achieve your personal goals (while also keeping your sanity).
Lesson #3: Seek the advice of a professional
Once I resigned myself to using the power washer for this project, I headed to the hardware store with only a photo of my power washer in hand. I didn’t even know if it was operated by gas or electric. A kind associate taught me how to assemble and operate the power washer by referencing only my picture. All of us learn differently. Some of us need one-on-one guidance on the tools to use in life, while others learn best by reading instructions or watching a video. To increase your likelihood of seeing the best results with the least effort, know your most effective learning method for achieving your personal goals.
Lesson #4: Set small goals
When I finally got the power washer running, I was unimpressed with the narrow stream of water. It was going to take forever to complete the job. So I decided to begin with a side table, followed by the seating area next to it. When I made my goals small, I started to see progress and was encouraged as I completed each one. Achieving our small goals in life one at a time is the path to transformation. Take a moment to set a small goal for yourself today. What will it be?
Lesson #5: Celebrate small victories
It was discouraging to see how much more of the deck still had to be done, and fatigue and exhaustion were starting to set in. But when I looked back at the area I had completed, I was amazed and encouraged by how beautiful it looked. Taking breaks to celebrate victories, even the small ones, is an important motivator for continued progress. Write down an accomplishment you achieved in the last week or month and celebrate it.
Lesson #6: Document where you started
Once I began to see the results of my effort, I took a picture of the deck so I would not forget what it looked like when I first started. That reminded me of revisiting a worksheet I completed as a HeartMath student, which was a snapshot of my emotional life at the time. Looking back on that worksheet helps me to appreciate the progress I’ve made, and is a moment of celebration. Take the time to pause and record the current state of your life, so you can look back and appreciate your progress.
Lesson #7: Perfection doesn’t matter
After taking a picture, I noticed a few spots on the completed part of the deck that I had missed. I had to decide if I wanted to use my time to perfect those spots, or continue to move forward. I decided that for me, progress meant more than perfection. No decision is better than another, as long as we are managing our energy as a precious resource. Recognize where in your life you are sacrificing good enough for perfect.
Lesson #8: Change takes time
After five hours, I was still not done. I was happy with my progress but I was beginning to feel tired and the air was getting cool. I realized that it took three years to accumulate that dirt and grime, and it was not going to be removed in one day. I set my last small goal and called it a day. That’s okay. Whatever improvement project you are working on, be gentle with yourself. Listen to your body, your heart, and your intuition. Find a good stopping point and continue tomorrow.
Lesson #9: Adjust your approach
I began power washing by spraying the stream directly on top of the deck boards at a 90-degree angle, and progress was slow. By accident, I hit a plank at a 45-degree angle and saw the dirt moved faster and easier. In Sound Therapy, we use vibration to push sound gently through an area. We don’t apply sound forcefully to the area of concern. When we are addressing a behavioral pattern, progress may be slow when we focus on the pattern itself. Instead, reveal the beauty and true nature of your spirit by focusing on your assets and how to use them to address the root of the issue at hand.
Lesson #10: Life is messy
Although I prepared for the power-washing job by wearing rain pants, a rain jacket, and crocks, I was a wet and smelly mess by the time I was done. We prepare as best as we can for the obstacles life brings, but sometimes it’s just messy. If I hadn’t prepared at all, I would have become soaked sooner, and too cold to make the progress I did make. Accept the obstacles and challenges you must go through to accomplish your personal goals, even if it’s a difficult road to get there.
These lessons serve as the foundation of what we do at Integro. No matter what stage you are in with your own personal “power-washing” wellness project, I encourage you to apply these lessons to the process. And if you need support, encouragement or guidance along the way, we at Integro are here to help you through it. Blog
Life offers us lessons in the most unexpected situations—but only if we are open to seeing them.
Just a few weeks ago, I spent a beautiful Saturday afternoon tackling a project I had long been dreading and avoiding— power washing my deck. A project I thought I would chip away at over the course of several weeks turned into a five-hour reflection. That reflection not only motivated me to make significant progress on the deck, but it also inspired 10 life lessons that I’d like to share with you:
Lesson #1: Avoidance does not solve problems.
I had avoided the deck power-washing project for three years, and had allowed the grime to accumulate on the deck surfaces and furniture to the point that they were not useable. How many times have we avoided problems in our lives, hoping they would magically get better on their own? Today is the day to start tackling whatever you have been avoiding.
Lesson #2: Use the right tools.
Wanting to avoid learning to use a power washer, I started my deck-cleaning project with a bucket, a brush and a bottle of bleach. While these are excellent tools for other purposes, I quickly learned that they were not going to get the job done—at least not in this lifetime. In life, we attempt to solve a problem with old or inadequate tools. Find the right combination of skills and tools so you can successfully achieve your personal goals (while also keeping your sanity).
Lesson #3: Seek the advice of a professional
Once I resigned myself to using the power washer for this project, I headed to the hardware store with only a photo of my power washer in hand. I didn’t even know if it was operated by gas or electric. A kind associate taught me how to assemble and operate the power washer by referencing only my picture. All of us learn differently. Some of us need one-on-one guidance on the tools to use in life, while others learn best by reading instructions or watching a video. To increase your likelihood of seeing the best results with the least effort, know your most effective learning method for achieving your personal goals.
Lesson #4: Set small goals
When I finally got the power washer running, I was unimpressed with the narrow stream of water. It was going to take forever to complete the job. So I decided to begin with a side table, followed by the seating area next to it. When I made my goals small, I started to see progress and was encouraged as I completed each one. Achieving our small goals in life one at a time is the path to transformation. Take a moment to set a small goal for yourself today. What will it be?
Lesson #5: Celebrate small victories
It was discouraging to see how much more of the deck still had to be done, and fatigue and exhaustion were starting to set in. But when I looked back at the area I had completed, I was amazed and encouraged by how beautiful it looked. Taking breaks to celebrate victories, even the small ones, is an important motivator for continued progress. Write down an accomplishment you achieved in the last week or month and celebrate it.
Lesson #6: Document where you started
Once I began to see the results of my effort, I took a picture of the deck so I would not forget what it looked like when I first started. That reminded me of revisiting a worksheet I completed as a HeartMath student, which was a snapshot of my emotional life at the time. Looking back on that worksheet helps me to appreciate the progress I’ve made, and is a moment of celebration. Take the time to pause and record the current state of your life, so you can look back and appreciate your progress.
Lesson #7: Perfection doesn’t matter
After taking a picture, I noticed a few spots on the completed part of the deck that I had missed. I had to decide if I wanted to use my time to perfect those spots, or continue to move forward. I decided that for me, progress meant more than perfection. No decision is better than another, as long as we are managing our energy as a precious resource. Recognize where in your life you are sacrificing good enough for perfect.
Lesson #8: Change takes time
After five hours, I was still not done. I was happy with my progress but I was beginning to feel tired and the air was getting cool. I realized that it took three years to accumulate that dirt and grime, and it was not going to be removed in one day. I set my last small goal and called it a day. That’s okay. Whatever improvement project you are working on, be gentle with yourself. Listen to your body, your heart, and your intuition. Find a good stopping point and continue tomorrow.
Lesson #9: Adjust your approach
I began power washing by spraying the stream directly on top of the deck boards at a 90-degree angle, and progress was slow. By accident, I hit a plank at a 45-degree angle and saw the dirt moved faster and easier. In Sound Therapy, we use vibration to push sound gently through an area. We don’t apply sound forcefully to the area of concern. When we are addressing a behavioral pattern, progress may be slow when we focus on the pattern itself. Instead, reveal the beauty and true nature of your spirit by focusing on your assets and how to use them to address the root of the issue at hand.
Lesson #10: Life is messy
Although I prepared for the power-washing job by wearing rain pants, a rain jacket, and crocks, I was a wet and smelly mess by the time I was done. We prepare as best as we can for the obstacles life brings, but sometimes it’s just messy. If I hadn’t prepared at all, I would have become soaked sooner, and too cold to make the progress I did make. Accept the obstacles and challenges you must go through to accomplish your personal goals, even if it’s a difficult road to get there.
These lessons serve as the foundation of what we do at Integro. No matter what stage you are in with your own personal “power-washing” wellness project, I encourage you to apply these lessons to the process. And if you need support, encouragement or guidance along the way, we at Integro are here to help you through it.
[vc_row][vc_column css=".vc_custom_1548794786584{background-position: center !important;background-repeat: no-repeat !important;background-size: cover !important;}"][vc_single_image image="4079" alignment="center"][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]When I’m teaching and facilitating, sometimes people are surprised when I share my personal struggles. They are part of my story, my growth, and my current success. I also share them because my objective is not to always be ok (whatever your definition of 'ok' is). Sometimes the fact that we notice we are not ok and knowing that we will be is the success.
Last Saturday, I felt drained and exhausted. Many other emotions rose and I was not “ok”. I became aware and chose to accept the torrent of emotions at the time. Accepting draining emotions and the vulnerability of feeling them provided me with the opportunity to practice something outside of my normal pattern: I asked for help! By sharing with a friend, who did an amazing job at listening through her heart, I realized that I was feeling how I felt every day just 4 years ago. At that time the world saw a perfect life and I was definitively not ok. The moment that I became aware that feeling this way felt strange and not normal I started feeling better. My new normal is so filled with joy, connection, authenticity, and love that feeling disconnected and alone was news to share!
Had I felt the obligation to be 'ok' and force calm or balance into my emotional experience, I would have lost the opportunity to practice vulnerability. I would have missed the celebration and appreciation of my growth, my friends, and my new skills. I trusted my heart's guidance to allow me to experience not being 'ok' and because of that, I am doing great.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]
Stress is the word that we use to define the response of our body to a dangerous situation. This response is essential for our survival. The body redirects energy to the areas that are necessary to have an effective ‘fight or flight’ response in case of danger. However, for the most part, in our current environment, we rarely encounter situations where our life is truly in danger. We do find ourselves in situations that trigger the same biological responses. When we experience work overload, deadlines, big life changes, or an actual life-threatening situation we are activating the same brain and hormonal responses. We do not have a different pathway for ‘a tiger is going to eat me’ or ‘I have more work that I can do’.
If stress signals are a life-saving response, why is it detrimental for you? The stress response was meant to provide with a short-term burst of energy, focus, and energy redistribution in your body. For example, processing of food is not essential when running away for danger so our digestive system gets lower blood flow and energy while we are stressed. When we trigger the same response for long-term events like dealing with job or family-related issues, the response becomes detrimental to your health. With chronic stress, those same life-saving responses in your body can suppress immune, digestive, sleep, and reproductive systems. How this suppression is manifested varies from person to person. You may be experiencing sleep, digestive, emotional or pain issues that are really related to this response. Science has shown that low levels of stress for long periods of times are even more detrimental to our health.
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, the following are some effective approaches to manage your stress:
• Recognize the Signs of your body's response to stress, such as difficulty sleeping, increased alcohol and other substance use, being easily angered, feeling depressed, and having low energy.
• Get Regular Exercise. Just 30 minutes per day of walking can help boost your mood and reduce stress.
• Set Goals and Priorities. Decide what must get done and what can wait, and learn to say no to new tasks if they are putting you into overload. Note what you have accomplished at the end of the day, not what you have been unable to do.
• Stay Connected with people who can provide emotional and other support. To reduce stress, ask for help from friends, family, and community or religious organizations.
• Try a Relaxing Activity. Explore stress coping programs, which may incorporate meditation, yoga, tai chi, or other gentle exercises. For some stress-related conditions, these approaches are used in addition to other forms of treatment. Schedule regular times for these and other healthy and relaxing activities.
Relaxation techniques often combine breathing and focused attention on pleasing thoughts and emotions. Some examples of relaxation response techniques are resilience training such as HeartMath® Resilience Advantage Program®, biofeedback tools such as Inner Balance®, deep breathing, guided imagery, progressive relaxation, and self-hypnosis. Mind and body practices, such as meditation and yoga, are also sometimes considered relaxation techniques.
If you have already considered all of these points and nothing has seemed to improve your experience of stress or you would like to learn new skills to manage your stress, schedule a consultation with us to identify other factors and possible solutions.
FOR HEARTMATH TRADEMARKS GO TO WWW.HEARTMATH.COM/TRADEMARKS.
My two daughters are back to school, extracurriculars, homework, and social life. The rhythm that I was so missing during the summer is back. I had a vacation and a couple of long weekends to rest and “recharge”, so why am I feeling so tired? I wake up in the mornings, help them get ready, pack their lunch, go to work, pick them up, take them to their activities, sit and watch while trying to do some work from the bleachers, bring them back, feed them dinner, and make sure homework is complete and ready. I am a great parent! I am committed to them, and they are my priority. Yet I am impatient, irritable, and become angry when I see their poor emotional regulation. She throws a temper tantrum, and sadly, I response with one of my own.
Science tells us that children see how their parents display emotions and interact with other people and through imitation learn how to regulate their emotions. We play a significant and unique role in the emotional development of our children. How they empathize and interact with others, how they self-regulate, and how they cope with adversity is all a reflection of our own interactions with them, our partners, and others in our social circle. In addition, our emotions are not just communicated verbally, but non-verbally as well. Our hearts literally beat to the rhythm of our emotions and, as an electric organ, generates a magnetic broadcast signal that others feel. So, if we are anxious and frustrated, it does not matter what words we use, we signal to the world our true emotion through this magnetic field. Others around us pick up on that signal and sometimes, especially those that are closest to us, become influenced by it. Think about that person that “lights up the room” or “sucks the air out”, that is your perception of their emotional broadcasting.
“You cannot pour from an empty cup” is such a cliché. You hear it, and maybe even say it. It wasn’t until I learned how to meaningfully recharge that I realized how empty my cup was. It was absurd to expect my children to regulate their emotions when I could not do the same. I was not assigning any time or priority to “fill my cup". I needed to learn new skills to improve my emotional regulation and health. School does not teach us how to do this. Somewhere between science and math, and orchestra and soccer, we have forgotten the importance of learning how to develop emotional resilience. We know, with the new scientific understanding of emotions, that relaxation alone is not enough for emotional balance and resilience. We need intentional activities that helps us manage our emotional energy. Here are some strategies that can help you recharge and fill your cup. Commit to them for at least two weeks to see any difference:
Learn a breath practice and use in the mornings to set the tone for the day or use between tasks. The Heartmath Institute has found that 5-10 minutes a day of practice is enough to positively impact our resilience, especially when combined with renewing emotions such as appreciation or compassion.
Find something to appreciate every day. Write a gratitude or appreciation journal before bed.
Find a tool that allows you to become more self-aware of your emotional energy leaks and commit to addressing one a week. Meditation, mindfulness and similar practices can help.
Get adequate and renewing sleep.
Engage in an activity that you enjoy such as gardening, exercising, hiking, dancing, music, or volunteering. Commit to set time in your schedule for it.
I know...you don’t have time! We cannot be the best parents for our children’s emotional development if we do not learn and practice meaningful self-care. Trust me, my healthier emotional regulation has resulted in a quieter and happier household. My children deserve the best, so I dedicate time to be the best version of myself for them.
Why do I fear? The what ifs, the ideas, the stories, the insecurities and the nakedness of revealing myself to others. Standing in the room was the easy part. The hard part was to pick the date and put the announcement out. Then, I had six weeks of hearing my old stories telling me: “nobody is coming”.
For most of my professional life, important decisions, meetings and speaking engagements generated a great level of anxiety. I prepared with fear of failure front and center in my mind. While I seemed confident and competent, I doubted myself. Once finished, I would replay in my head every word, every answer and would find something wrong, something I could have done or said better. This fear generated a great deal of stress at best or worst, stopped me from pursuing many opportunities and taking risks.
Why do we fear? Fear is a normal chemical and electric response of our body to protect us from threats. It is designed to keep us alive. Most of us do not face life threatening situations on a daily basis. However, many situations in our lives trigger the same biological response because we perceive them as threats to our beliefs, status, self-image, security, expectations, etc. A test, a work situation, conflict, or any event that is perceived as threatening triggers this response draining significant physical and emotional energy. Fear precipitates a burst of focused energy to allow us to react to threat. When we experience this drain of energy frequently or for a sustained period of time, the result is an abnormal increase of stress hormones that affects our physical, emotional and mental health.
What to do? For the most part, we cannot change the situations that trigger fear. We can change our perceptions and emotional response to the situations and to fear itself. The following strategies alone or in combination have proven to be effective to increase our ability to do that:
- Breathing exercises: Certain techniques have shown to decrease the amount of stress related chemicals in the body and at the same time increase renewing chemicals that increase your ability to self-regulate emotional response.
- Mindfulness: Observe your fear with curiosity. Which judgement of yourself or others are triggering this response? What story are you telling yourself? By looking into the ‘why’ from a more neutral place, we can question if our perception is valid. Moving from participant to observer is in itself a transformative emotional experience.
- Meditation practices: Recent studies have shown that regular meditation practice, as little as 5-10 minutes a day, results in measurable physical changes to the brain and our ability to respond to stress.
- Essential oils: Aromatic compounds found in certain essential oils, such as lavender, chamomile, vetiver, and frankincense, have the ability to interrupt the chemical signals associated with fear and anxiety promoting a sense of calm and relaxation.
- Physical activity: regular physical activity, especially when compresses large joints, increases the sense of well-being, focus and emotional self-regulation.