Why do I fear? The what ifs, the ideas, the stories, the insecurities and the nakedness of revealing myself to others. Standing in the room was the easy part. The hard part was to pick the date and put the announcement out. Then, I had six weeks of hearing my old stories telling me: “nobody is coming”.
For most of my professional life, important decisions, meetings and speaking engagements generated a great level of anxiety. I prepared with fear of failure front and center in my mind. While I seemed confident and competent, I doubted myself. Once finished, I would replay in my head every word, every answer and would find something wrong, something I could have done or said better. This fear generated a great deal of stress at best or worst, stopped me from pursuing many opportunities and taking risks.
Why do we fear? Fear is a normal chemical and electric response of our body to protect us from threats. It is designed to keep us alive. Most of us do not face life threatening situations on a daily basis. However, many situations in our lives trigger the same biological response because we perceive them as threats to our beliefs, status, self-image, security, expectations, etc. A test, a work situation, conflict, or any event that is perceived as threatening triggers this response draining significant physical and emotional energy. Fear precipitates a burst of focused energy to allow us to react to threat. When we experience this drain of energy frequently or for a sustained period of time, the result is an abnormal increase of stress hormones that affects our physical, emotional and mental health.
What to do? For the most part, we cannot change the situations that trigger fear. We can change our perceptions and emotional response to the situations and to fear itself. The following strategies alone or in combination have proven to be effective to increase our ability to do that:
- Breathing exercises: Certain techniques have shown to decrease the amount of stress related chemicals in the body and at the same time increase renewing chemicals that increase your ability to self-regulate emotional response.
- Mindfulness: Observe your fear with curiosity. Which judgement of yourself or others are triggering this response? What story are you telling yourself? By looking into the ‘why’ from a more neutral place, we can question if our perception is valid. Moving from participant to observer is in itself a transformative emotional experience.
- Meditation practices: Recent studies have shown that regular meditation practice, as little as 5-10 minutes a day, results in measurable physical changes to the brain and our ability to respond to stress.
- Essential oils: Aromatic compounds found in certain essential oils, such as lavender, chamomile, vetiver, and frankincense, have the ability to interrupt the chemical signals associated with fear and anxiety promoting a sense of calm and relaxation.
- Physical activity: regular physical activity, especially when compresses large joints, increases the sense of well-being, focus and emotional self-regulation.
Six weeks of using my tools to neutralize the talking head. Panic! Heart-Focused Breathing™. Reset. Go back to neutral I don’t let fear take over. I acknowledge it without judgment. My real fear is to fail. My sense of identity has been so linked to success that failure feels life threatening; it is identity threatening. What happens if nobody comes? I will try again. I picture myself having a successful event. Can I stay there? Can I truly believe that the universe will bring those that I can serve? I am getting new tools, the right tools, to assist me. And then, a profound experience. I truly could see the workshop as a future that already happened. The room full with people that took the first step of the transformation they are ready for. I can see it as it has already happened. I was ready. Fear will not stop me this time
I now recognize fear as a signal of a conditioned response to my judgements, attachments and stories written in my nervous system. A response that can be modified. An opportunity to write a new story. My objective is not to eliminate fear from my life but to change my perception of fear itself and the situation that triggered it; to become aware, change and grow. Fear no longer stops me, at least not for too long.
Did I need to fear? Yes! Without fear, I would have not learned that I truly can accomplish what fear tells me I can’t.